this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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