what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
