This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
