Who wears a wallet chain?!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
