never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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