Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im holly from the hills drunk
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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