My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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