my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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