I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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