I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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