maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
