summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
