You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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