everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Drunk is not a location!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
