I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize