clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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