I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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