called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
