Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize