What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
