I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
