Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
