i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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