Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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