my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just googled if crying burns calories
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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