he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
