their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
