meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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