So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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