Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
