Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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