Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
