what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
