and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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