ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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