hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
