those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
