Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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