that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
