Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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