He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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