I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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