I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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