If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
