would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
