Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I need moral support for this bender
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
