Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Screwed.edu
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
