you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I skipped work to stalk him.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
