70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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