I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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