It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
