Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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