my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
