watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
