I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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