I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
someone owes me an orgasm
Farmville is her only friend.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
