you guys were way drunker than both of me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
