i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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