Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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