dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
