can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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