There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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