You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
